27th of October

Why does everything keep pushing you closer while everybody is pushing you away? Is it possible for a human being to love another unconditionally be the bond between them artificial? How come it is so easy to be around you yet so wrong and sinful? Why does inspiration hit me so hard when my heart is blue? I feel the distance between us growing stronger yet I find it hard to resist the apathy.
Yesterday was a black morning, the kind of black that takes all the colours up to build. I was blinded by the urge to touch your skin.
I blogged the afternoon away and caught a movie with a bunch of friends, I don’t recall the conversations that were going back and forth. All I thought about was how right I am and how wrong everybody is.
I spent the evening dwelling and analyzing. It makes me sad that I don’t write as much now.

This morning was a white morning, cream white. I finished some stuff I’ve been putting up for months and felt a little bit achieved.

Today I decided to be the version he would fight everything for.

I could’ve talked to him about me not feeling fulfilled lately. I’m not studying, writing or reading. However, I decided not to bitch and actually do something about it. I bought a book, arranged my schedule and reflected on the day. I needed input so I went through a few pieces by writers that never disappoint me.

A friend of mine offered a ride home in the evening and I sat on the back seat, checked that I can open my window from my door without asking him to do so. I’m not that claustrophobic, yet I need to know there is a way out whenever needed.

I want to create my own story, to take one decision and follow it till the end.