Without a Care in the World

And I'd wake up to your face everyday.
We start roaming the streets and entertain ourselves by making fun of everyone around us, eating, drinking and some more eating.
We'd go book shopping and start to realize that we badly want stuff that we don't need.
You'd make fun of my outfits and the authors I like.
I'd make fun of your rigid ideas and solids.
We'd be groupies for local music bands and take long walks towards the unknown.

Judge Me....

Judge me because you know exactly what I’ve been through.
You know how many times I got my heart broken and how many times I broke hearts.
You know I lost two of the closest people to my heart at an early age, before I can absorb the concept of loss and how sometimes nothing can be a fair compensation.
You know I struggle to walk, just walk, in the streets of this city.
And of course you know how many times I get verbally or physically sexually harassed every day.
Judge me.
Because you can feel me, because you know how to reach for me.
Because you know I had to learn it the hard way.
Because you know where I am coming from and where I’m heading.
And of course you can see all the things I hate to see.
Judge me.
Because you know how many times I was let down.
How many times I got up and asked for more.
You know what I believe in and you know how much I embrace life no matter what.
And naturally you would know how it is not always about you.
Judge me, to feel better about your own miserable self.

27th of October

Why does everything keep pushing you closer while everybody is pushing you away? Is it possible for a human being to love another unconditionally be the bond between them artificial? How come it is so easy to be around you yet so wrong and sinful? Why does inspiration hit me so hard when my heart is blue? I feel the distance between us growing stronger yet I find it hard to resist the apathy.
Yesterday was a black morning, the kind of black that takes all the colours up to build. I was blinded by the urge to touch your skin.
I blogged the afternoon away and caught a movie with a bunch of friends, I don’t recall the conversations that were going back and forth. All I thought about was how right I am and how wrong everybody is.
I spent the evening dwelling and analyzing. It makes me sad that I don’t write as much now.

This morning was a white morning, cream white. I finished some stuff I’ve been putting up for months and felt a little bit achieved.

Today I decided to be the version he would fight everything for.

I could’ve talked to him about me not feeling fulfilled lately. I’m not studying, writing or reading. However, I decided not to bitch and actually do something about it. I bought a book, arranged my schedule and reflected on the day. I needed input so I went through a few pieces by writers that never disappoint me.

A friend of mine offered a ride home in the evening and I sat on the back seat, checked that I can open my window from my door without asking him to do so. I’m not that claustrophobic, yet I need to know there is a way out whenever needed.

I want to create my own story, to take one decision and follow it till the end.

Yet I Chose to Be Free from You

It was a random day yet I can’t throw the plastic cup with a little bit of lemonade left.
A colourful day at last, after so many greys that I can’t even tell them apart.
Sea, randomness, awkwardness and thoughts.
Today I’m not wondering about you.
I’m under the sun singing and building castles in the sky without you chasing them away.
This is beyond the point of giving up.
I won’t look back in anger.
I'm on the swing again.
Am I getting the restrictions without the benefits?

The Show Must Go On

It's time I fell in love with a new book and a new band.
It's that season again when I decide to reintegrate myself within my skin.
It's time I stopped the world from ending and understood how it feels like to be lonely but not alone.
It's time I dis attach and over look your own miserable self.

Inspire Me Back Home.

Now, a perfect moment to reflect. While the memory is still fresh in my mind.
What could be more comfortable?
The Ruby sunset on a highway.
Millions of thoughts floating around.
Cold wind blowing my hair into shape and my thoughts out of my head.
His skin and my scent.
Now is all I know and care about.
No explanations, no whispers, just colours…….lots of them.
And tomorrow it is all gone. I’m all busy and she gives him the attention he deserves.
Me?
I fool around till yet another perfectly coloured day.
My lips are still wet and my head is full of dreams undreamt.
The illusion of him rests for a while and I wait until the wait is over.
I dream about having my own space with no restrictions.
I think about my muse, my soul-mats, my friends, and my social circle just to keep myself from thinking about my own problems.
A warm phone call and a promised to a secured future end my day.
We talk of fantasies and desires not of facts and information.
Dare to drift into my land. Dig my diamonds, name the stars shinning in my sky, explore what’s beneath my waters and reveal what whispers my air carries around.

The Passenger Seat

How could you allow yourself in till that extent?
Of me, not being able to breathe because of you.
The picket fence is a wire, the wine is grape juice.
Plastic and copper, cardboard and synthetic.
I wish you were here with me, when I start to realize the meaning of things.
We should’ve understood the meaning of things together.