Tuesday, May 8, 2012

The Inconsistency that Has Become You

..... because you know, I am the kind of person who would only marry for love, even though I know that is unsustainable. I know love is never enough.

A decision like that needs to be taken while you are not on anti-depressants, while sober and while you are not in constant need of someone else.

Now, the idea of me having someone I really love is ruined forever. I feel emotionally retarded most of the time. Like when I am  in a situation that would normally fill my heart with love, an enormous amount of pain weighs my whole existence down. I am filled with pain. So much pain it makes me dizzy, my skin goes numb. It also makes me angry.

In the process of revenging from you, I ended up revenging myself. I was spinning, like a compass forever lost in the Bermuda Triangle. I revenged every part of me for ever trusting you. Some parts were harder than others. I stopped. Only to find that revenge became my lifestyle, it became what I am about.

I am not into fortune telling unless it tells me something I want to happen.

Some of us were not meant to have it easy. It doesn't make them unique or individual, it just makes them people who don't have certain things easy.

Am I ever getting out of this endless loophole of loopholeness?

You have loved me, I have no doubt about that. You have fallen out of love with me, I have no doubt about that. We have but different definitions to what we wanted out of this.

Tuesday are usually off days for me. I have no desire to change that. I need off days. They make me miss him, and how much do I need to remind myself that I am still capable of missing him. I am not alone, I am without him. This much I have learned.

For what good it is if I learn to unlove. I love. I won't give up on this. Can I at least call him whenever my heart squeezes out an atmosphere that belonged to the two of us exclusively.

How far can you run from yourself? How fast can you do it?
You'd better start now.

Sip on whatever he is sipping on.
Good day.


  1. I know we don't know each other maybe we've seen each other but never talked.

    First of all I have to say I love your writings.
    Second,I really Hope everything turns to be just like you want it to be :)

    Keep writing

    1. Thank you very much :)
      Everything will turn out fine, I have no doubt.

  2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzaOZBVIqoI

    1. Oh, I love this.
      fits perfectly with my melodramatic mood right now.
      Thank you love!

  3. Dear Writer..

    OK it seems that this is an old post, I hope your feeling better now. Anyways my comment goes like this.
    Love is (BTW that's not a definition)a feeling that we feel towards other people and because it feels good and its to a certain extent addictive we decided to give it a name. The only thing different is that we have lived learning that its devastating for a couple to break up. We watch a sad movies and we listen to a sad song and it sticks to our memory that its bad when you loose the feeling of "Love".
    Beside i would disagree with out you said that "Now, the idea of me having someone I really love is ruined forever", because you never know. May i remind you that (and pardon my french) shit is what makes flowers grow.
    I know this is getting too long for a comment on an old post. but finally i would like to say that a person who has the skill to write such amazing words can easily make a man a slave for her smile.

    1. I understand every word yo said. It just felt devastating at the time this was written. I am feeling a whole lot better now :)
      Thank you for dropping by, make it a habit!

  4. Falling in love is truly an act of heart and whim but being in love is, above all, an act of mind.
    Un-love him.
    Your heart is yours to conquer.