..... because you know, I am the kind of person who would only marry for love, even though I know that is unsustainable. I know love is never enough.
A decision like that needs to be taken while you are not on anti-depressants, while sober and while you are not in constant need of someone else.
Now, the idea of me having someone I really love is ruined forever. I feel emotionally retarded most of the time. Like when I am in a situation that would normally fill my heart with love, an enormous amount of pain weighs my whole existence down. I am filled with pain. So much pain it makes me dizzy, my skin goes numb. It also makes me angry.
In the process of revenging from you, I ended up revenging myself. I was spinning, like a compass forever lost in the Bermuda Triangle. I revenged every part of me for ever trusting you. Some parts were harder than others. I stopped. Only to find that revenge became my lifestyle, it became what I am about.
I am not into fortune telling unless it tells me something I want to happen.
Some of us were not meant to have it easy. It doesn't make them unique or individual, it just makes them people who don't have certain things easy.
Am I ever getting out of this endless loophole of loopholeness?
You have loved me, I have no doubt about that. You have fallen out of love with me, I have no doubt about that. We have but different definitions to what we wanted out of this.
Tuesday are usually off days for me. I have no desire to change that. I need off days. They make me miss him, and how much do I need to remind myself that I am still capable of missing him. I am not alone, I am without him. This much I have learned.
For what good it is if I learn to unlove. I love. I won't give up on this. Can I at least call him whenever my heart squeezes out an atmosphere that belonged to the two of us exclusively.
How far can you run from yourself? How fast can you do it?
You'd better start now.
Sip on whatever he is sipping on.