D4

حالة الانتظار التى تطاردنى بدأت فى الطفو على سطح أفكارى

انتظار انتهاء ساعات العمل....

انتظار وصول قطار......

انتظار وصول صديق.....

.......انتظار هبوط طائرة

انتظار الانتهاء من جميع المشاوير.........

أحلم بالثبات للحظات، لعدم وجوب انتظارى لشىء

الثبات... و مشاهدة عربات القطار تتحرك

تتلاعب و تحرك أقدار غيرى، غير أقدارى

حيوات آخرى

أنا لم تعد لدى القدرة على القتال

شهيدة تحت الطلب

الشهادة بالنسبالى مالهاش دعوة بالدين.

حرية مصر مستعد يموتلها أكثر الناس بعداً عن الدين و أكثر الناس إيماناً بالدين (بصورته الصحية). الشهادة من أجل الوطن من أنبل ما يمكن للأنسان تحقيقه

أنا مستعدة أموت علشان الحرية فى مصر

علشان أنا متأكدة إن استشهادى هيكون ليه صدى على الأقل على شخص واحد ممكن يحمسه على إتمام مسيرة المصريين نحو ما هو أفضل

لو مت فى مظاهرة ممكن تعملوا جمعية لتنمية الصعيد و تسموها "اختر أجندتك" زى اسم مبادرتنا إللى عملناها أنا و أصحابى، التنمية فى هذه الحالة مش بناء مستشفيات و مدارس، لأ، لازم يكون نشاط تنموى يعمل به مسيحيين و مسلمين يهدف لترسيخ فكرة إن المسيحيين و المسلمين بيشتغلوا مع بعض آهه من غير شعارات رنانة لازم يكون ليهم شغل على الأرض مع بعض بصورة غير مفتعلة و طبعاً ده هيكون لشباب الجامعات و إنت نازل، الأكبر من كدة لا سبيل لإصلاحهم

وصيتى تبقوا شوكة فى حلق العسكر و الأسلاميين

وصيتى تولعولى شمع فى الكنيسة المعلقة فى مصر و القلب المقدس فى باريس (إن أمكن) و تصلوا عليا فى جامع عمرو بن العاص

لما أموت اتبرعوا بأعضائى

لو مت فى مظاهرة عايزة تابوت مفتوح فى الجنازة، عايزة أشوف الشوارع إللى ماشية فيها فى طريقى إلى المجهول

عايزة عزاء مختلط (ستات على رجالة) فى بيتى مش عايزة أوقف الشارع علشان الناس ترمى عربيتها و تروحى تعزى فيا فى جامع أو كنيسة كبار

أصحابى و أهلى ياخدوا إللى عايزينه من حاجتى، كل واحد لازم ياخد حاجة

مش هتفرق اوى معايا أدفن إزاى

وعد، لو عرفت أرجع أقوللكم فى إيه هناك، هرجع أقول

يعنى.... هحاول

أنا بحب الحياة جداً

D1

I have been getting vibes from my past lives....

I still haven't found out what they mean.

Is that weird?

You are My Beauty Magazine

I keep running away from the blog.

Even now when I have decided to face it, it is only partial, my confrontation so happens to be in my second language, not my mother tongue. This can only mean there is a barrier between myself and I, not just a language one.

Days slip by....

I can't keep up with you!

And this is not the way I thought it would be.

I suddenly found myself in a battle that I have to win. A battle to decide who I want to be and what I want to do with my life. My life was never a battle and I hate this, I hate this and I am starting to believe I was never meant to do anything useful with my life.

Do I have to do my Masters?

Do I have to learn a third language?

Do I have to be involved in politics?

Do I have to have a cause that will make earth a better place if I fought hard enough?

Do I have to read multiple books by authors who introduced new ideas to the human race?

The pressure I have to face is like the pressure "shallower" women have to face to be "perfect" in beauty magazines' definition.

I feel pressured into having to be our first female president for you to like me and this is not fun.

This is very personal and you don't have the time to hear it from me.

So I put it on my blog, I put my emotions and fears for other people to read it.

I doubt you will have the time to read my blog.

The Not So Coherent Post

I've been having difficulty wrapping my brain around an idea lately. This has been going on for quite some time now and it is weird. I need to concentrate more on doing the things I like, eating the things I want and managing my money a little more responsibly.

Sometimes you get caught up in the routine of the routine-less life. Symptoms of such a phase are apparent when you find yourself doing all the things you "normally" do but getting less satisfaction out of it. Hint? Spending most of your paycheck on food and not remembering the last time you went out with friends for a meal or the last time you bought a bottle of wine to go with your special dinner out with your significant other.

Post-existentialism is when you have asked yourself all the existential questions with no answers, when you have searched for god and wondered at how the universe is so perfect/so fucked up and yet you are completely ok with not finding answers to all that and settling for either beliefs: 1. That the universe is so perfect it must have a powerful perfect creator or 2. who the hell is responsible for this mess. Either way, it is fine because there is a third option, 3. That it doesn't really matter and you don't have to take sides on that matter.

Living in the bubble that I live in, I have grown a belief that I am not adequate to judge the people living in this country with me.

I have been thinking alot about marriage lately and it confuses me so much that I decided to not think about it.

I have made it to the 9th level in my French class.

I am terrible with money and I can't do anything about it.

I can honestly say that I handle bad choices quite well. It hit me when a friend of mine was asking about the regrets I have concerning decisions that I have made and I replied that I had no regrets. I honestly believe each bad decision I took contributed to my learning process and that I made me who I am today. I like who I am today.

Involving someone else in your life is a tough choice perhaps even tougher than not involving someone else. You need to sort out your own mess before you drag someone along or else, the relationship might face double the challenge it was meant to if you had your life figured out. OR NOT, putting a relationship through all the possible challenges and tests might as well leave you with a solid relationship that you can rely on no matter what and that's kinda sexy too.

People fall in love not in one shot but on different little shots that accumulate to build a bond of trust-ship which is prettified by our little wonderful minds into this state of seemingly endless euphoria we call love. CONGRATULATIONS best friend, I love you.

لازم تبطل تتناقش معاهم... هما الناس إللى فاعدة لوكلوكلوكلوك دول هيعملوا حاجة؟ سيبك منهم... صدق فى نفسك و إللى مصدقين معاك الكلام مفيش منه فايدة

ماتتكلمش

اعمل

قل.... و لا تقل

قل : أنا ثورة

و لا تقل: كن مع الثورة

يعنى ابدأ بنفسك